Mina's Musings: Erev Yom Kippur 2015

Finding our Ray of Light

Erev tov and G’mar hatimah Tovah to each of you.  It is so wonderful to see you on this happy occasion.  Yes, Kol Nidre is the start of a joyous day.  I know that I told you a couple years back how much I have always loved Yom Kippur.  I think I told you how much my husband Jeff has also always loved Yom Kippur.  I may have even told you that reading his elementary school essay about Yom Kippur being his favorite holiday is one of the things that assured me he was my bashert.  But what I may have forgotten to tell you is that the rabbis themselves have always seen Yom Kippur as one of the absolutely most joyous days of the year.

Let me explain.  You see, there are 120 days between Shavuot, when our ancestors experienced the revelation of the Ten Commandments at Mt. Sinai, and today, Yom Kippur.  The rabbis divided the 120 days into three groups of forty.  During the first forty days the revelation took place and Moses went up Mt. Sinai to receive the first set of tablets.  During the second forty days Moses broke the tablets after seeing the Israelites worshipping the Golden Calf.  During the third set of forty days, which began on the first of Elul, Moses went BACK up the mountain, stayed in a cave communing with God, and then on the 10^th of Tishri – that’s Yom Kippur - came down the mountain with the second set of tablets. 

This rabbinic explanation of the origin of Yom Kippur therefore links our forgiveness today to the original act of forgiveness God bestowed upon our people after the incident of the Golden Calf.  It is this idea that has caused me to always be fond of a passage from Seder Eliyahu Zuta that says that while Moses was fasting in the cave communing with God, the people down below were also fasting and praying.  On the last day when they saw Moses approaching, the people began crying.  Moses saw them crying and began to also cry.  At that moment God was filled with mercy for them, and God told them, 'My children, I swear by My awesome name that your crying shall be cries of joy, for this day shall be a day of forgiveness, atonement and pardon for you, your children, and your grandchildren until the end of time.'  As I said last week, “the gate of tears” is never closed.

Now up until recently the midrash from Seder Eliyahu Zuta was my favorite concerning both Yom Kippur and the revelation on Mt. Sinai.  And then last month I attended a symposium where Rabbi Jacob Schacter shared a midrash found in a 13^th century anthology called Yalkut Shimoni.   Before I share the midrash though, I have to finish the story from the Torah.  I’ve already said that Moses was up on the mountain in a cave for 40 days with no one but God for company.  God then told Moses to inscribe the second set of tablets, unlike the original set that God had personally inscribed.  Moses did as he was asked by God and when he was done with his task he went back down the mountain and arrived on the 10^th of Tishri with the new set of tablets.  The Torah then tells us that (Ex. 34:29) “…as Moses came down from the mountain bearing the two tablets of the Pact,וּמֹשׁה לֹֽא־יָדַע כִּי קָרַן עוֹר פָּנָיו בְּדַבְּרוֹ אִתּֽוֹ …. Moses was not aware that the rays of light shone forth from his skin because he had spoken with Him (God).”

In Yalkut Shimoni we read (my translation):  From where did the rays of light and glory shining from Moses’ face come?  Our rabbis said it was from the cave [that Moses stayed in by himself for 40 days].  Rabbi B’rechya said it was from the tablets themselves - their length was two feet long and their width one foot wide.  God held the held the upper two feet and Moses held the bottom two feet.  It was from the two feet in between [God and Moses] that the rays of glory came.  However, Rabbi Yehudah bar Nahman said that when Moses finished writing the Torah, there remained in the quill a little bit of ink left.  Moses rubbed the little bit of ink on his forehead and that is where the rays of glory came from.

Rabbi Schacter explained that this midrash offers several insights that have the potential to help us improve ourselves this Yom Kippur.  The first explanation is that Moses’ radiance came from the cave – the place of solitude – that Moses lived in during those forty day stints getting the sets of tablets.  What does this teach us?  It means that in order for us to shine, to find our inner light, we have to be completely comfortable with who we are when we are by ourselves.  Last week, on the second day of Rosh Hashanah I talked about how we in some ways need never see ourselves as alone.  That is still true – God is always with us, our community is always behind us.  But in order to find our inner light we must be comfortable being by ourselves.  That is, when no one is looking, and the mask that you wear for the world is gone, are you content within yourself?  If not, then your light can’t shine.  So, right now, on Yom Kippur I am telling you - it’s time to stop waiting.  Learn a new language, lose weight, take karate , learn to knit, join a sports team, start Cross-fit, learn to camp, volunteer at the art museum, hospital, or school, learn about the stock market, donate to reputable charities which align with Jewish values – whatever you need to do to be comfortable with who you are, stop putting it off and start doing it today, as soon as you can. 

The second explanation is that the radiance came from the space between where God and Moses held the tablets together. Specifically it came from the space between the two.  This makes sense.  You see, if the tablets are only two feet long and God is grasping the top and Moses is grasping the bottom there isn’t much space in between the two.  This teaches us that we can find our light when we decide to work in close partnership – metaphorically almost hand in hand - with God.  That is, it is important to be comfortable with ourselves, but God can be our greatest partner if we up to the possibility.  Moreover, with God as partner we will be lifted up.  After all, God is the one holding the top of the rock.  Two feet by one feet may not sound huge, but I venture to say that two tablets carved of stone that are two feet by one feet aren’t exactly light.  Now imagine trying to carry such heavy stones down a mountain.  I believe God holding the top kept Moses from falling.  The same is true with us – we will not fall if we simply allow God to help hold us up and keep us upright. 

Finally, the third possible source of Moses radiance was said to be the extra bit of ink that he smeared on his forehead after completing the Torah – or tablets.  This explanation offers an intriguing insight.  That is, Moses was completing one of the most significant tasks a single individual had ever been asked to do.  When he was done he could have simply wiped his hand on his robe, but he didn’t.  Why?  Rabbi Schacter suggests he that he didn’t wipe it away, but rather ONTO his own forehead to remind himself  and all who saw him that one’s quest to do God’s will is never completely done.  Every single drop of ink matters.  Every single mitzvah we do – each drop towards making the world a better place, towards being better people, spouses, neighbors, friends, children, employees, citizens – every bit is important.  What we do, how we behave, even the smallest things, count.  Just last week someone told me how much it meant when I stopped to talk to them in the synagogue hallway.  They knew I was rushing from my office to the school wing and could see the harried on my face.  When I took the time to not just wave and say hello, but ask how they were, it meant a lot to them.  This person’s comment was a strong reminder of how even the smallest gestures of kindness and sincerity matter in this often harsh world.      

So now we have three different ways to find our inner light.  The first is to become comfortable with ourselves. The second is to simultaneously see ourselves as God’s partners in the ongoing work of creating a better world while recognizing that God is the lead partner and can and will hold us up when necessary.  And finally, we must make sure that we never ignore even the smallest opportunity to do a good deed or become a better person.  When we do these things I have no doubt that, like Moses, our light will shine through.

Knowing that finding the inner light of our souls is possible is truly a joyous thing.  Knowing that God has always behaved with compassion and forgiveness towards our people on the day of Yom Kippur, and that the covenant was renewed with the giving of the second set of tablets provides a great reason to yet another reason to rejoice on this day.  And before I conclude I want to share one last idea, found in the last Mishnah in the Tractate of Ta'anit (30).  There we are told that the two happiest days for the Jewish people were Yom Kippur and the fifteenth of Av because on those days the young maidens would dance and find a mate.  Rabbi Israel Lipschitz explained in his commentary on the Mishnah, Tiferet Yisrael (Yachin 63) that the dancing maidens represent the Jewish people singing to God on Yom Kippur and asking God not to see their imperfections, their sins, but rather to find them worthy of His love anyway.  The joy of the day comes from knowing that as we raise our voice in prayer and song to God, He does indeed find us worthy of love and forgiveness despite our flaws and failures.  Such love is a source of joy.  And so while I wish you a g’mar hatimah Tovah today, I also wish you a joyous, a happy Yom Kippur.