Mina's Musings: Re'eh 2016

Shabbat Shalom.  Currently on the radio I have been hearing a song entitled Let It Go by James Bay. It's not the Let it Go from Frozen, no, this song is a little sad as it is definitely a break-up song.  However, the refrain is quite catchy and in the second half of the song there is a stanza that I believe is quite powerful.  The words are: “I used to recognize myself, it’s funny how reflections change, when we’re becoming something else I think it’s time to walk away, Come on let it go, just let it be, why don’t you be you, and I’ll be me.” 

I thought of these words as I attended the open houses at my sons’ schools this week.  As I walked through a school teeming with elementary school kids I could see lots of excited children, some with very interesting clothes and hair, all expressing who they were.  This was a contrast to the middle school where there were even more pre-teens and early teens, MANY of whom seemed to have the same hair styles, the same clothes, and more.  In short, the middle schoolers seemed to be conforming in their appearance. 

Now it may start in middle school, but it certainly doesn’t end there.  There is a tremendous amount of social pressure to conform to “normal” behavior, no matter who you are or where you live.  In our area this social pressure can include overprogramming our children, putting ourselves into debt in order to participate in the “right” social events for our kids or ourselves, adopting a particular world-view, believing that in American politics there is only one “right” perspective, and more. 

As Rabbi Bradley Artson once wrote:  “Social pressure to conform is a steady and soul-deadening force. With relentless enticements, cultures seek ways to impose similarity of worldview, of behavior, even of thought upon their members. Even contemporary society, with its laudable commitment to individuality, imposes subtle mandates through the media, through the movies, through advertisements and in countless other ways. Small wonder, then, that the truly free soul is rare. Indeed, for many who practice religion (and for many who flee religion), that conformity and habit are nowhere more imposing than in the realm of faith and ritual.”

I love Rabbi Artson's expression "soul deadening force."  That is incredibly intense.  We think conformity is often harmless, but Rabbi Artson tells us it kills our souls!

Rabbi Artson then asks the question:  “Is it really that hard to be free? Is it really that impossible to be ourselves? Can it be that God wants us to conform?”  The answer he proposes is quite simply no, we aren’t supposed to all be exactly alike.  We are not supposed to be Stepford moms, dads, and children, who all look, dress, think, speak, and behave, alike.  This is one of the lessons from the Tower of Babel story we read each year in the book of Genesis. 

I once lived some place where you could identify which school a child was attending based on haircut alone.  That is not OK.

But just in case we missed the message back in parashat Noach, in this morning’s Torah portion Re’eh there is another hint at God’s expectation that we act as true individuals.  At the VERY end of the portion, in what would normally be the maftir section, we are told that on the Feast of Unleavened Bread or Passover, the Feat of Weeks or Shavuot, and on the Feast of Booths or Sukkot, everyone is to make pilgrimage to the place God will choose, which turns out to be  Jerusalem.  Specifically, the Torah tells us that:  “They shall not appear before the Holy One empty-handed, but each with his own gift, according to the blessing that the Lord your God has bestowed upon you [each person].”  How does this explanatory sentence help us understand the need to maintain our own individuality? 

Let’s look at the three parts of the sentence.  The first part teaches us that on our happy occasions, our holidays, our personal simchas, we are not to approach God empty-handed.  I cannot tell you how frustrating it is for me when I hear people question why they need to sponsor the Kiddush on the day of their child’s Bar Mitzvah or why they might consider sponsoring it on the day of a baby-naming, auf-ruf, etc.  The Torah tells us that when we celebrate and thank God we must also give a little of ourselves.  Sponsoring a Kiddush is a thank you to God, to the congregation that is helping enable you to celebrate.  It is for this reason too that Morah Ita and I have worked so hard the past few years trying to truly make the Bar/Bat Mitzvah project an integral part of our young people’s B’nai Mitzvah experience.  As Rabbi Artson once explained: “During our joyous celebrations, we must not come empty handed. To celebrate in God’s presence one must not focus only on taking, not only on our own personal joy. To celebrate in the fullest sense is to harness our private triumphs to contribute to the repair of God’s world. Whether that means using a party to feed the hungry, or to link a personal milestone to some communal cause, we transform moments of self-congratulations into occasions to heal wounds and to right wrongs (and to show true gratitude) when we connect our simchas to tzedakah, our parties to justice.”

The second of the three parts of our sentence was that each person must come with “his/her own gift.”  This means that we must recognize the individuality of ourselves and our children.  At a Bar Mitzvah what one child does not need to be identical with another child, because each has their own gifts, their own talents.  So too with our own volunteering.  Each of us is different and each person’s contribution to the synagogue is important, whether it is stuffing envelopes once a month, chanting Torah regularly, or serving on the board.  We do best what we are passionate about, so that is what we should do.  This of course applies to Bar/Bat Mitzvah projects as well.  Finally, the third part of the Torah’s quote was that each offering be "according to God’s blessing." Viewing this as a continuation of our reflection on individuality, we come to understand that our individuality is a reflection of God’s love for us and is in fact part of God’s individual blessing to each one of us.  As the Mishnah taught so many years ago, a the fact that God created a single person [Adam] reflects God’s greatness, for when human beings make a coins they make them all exactly alike, from one seal, yet God makes each of us with the stamp of the original Adam and yet none of us are exactly the same.  That the Mishnah believes our uniquess reflects God’s glory tells you how much the rabbis valued individuality.

Understanding the Torah’s teachings on individuality can help give us strength as we and our children battle the forces of social conformity.  Let us do what the Torah teaches and each bring our own unique gifts to the world, or as James Bay says so simply, “Why don’t you be you and I’ll be me.”